Why I created Head Trash Gone . . . .
Now I want to tell you a story about how I got here . . . .
I've been around the block. I've worked with Fortune 500 companies on their online and email marketing campaigns. Won multiple industry awards.
Ran a Research & Development department at an innovative tech company for almost a decade. Received numerous government grants for advancing science and technology, and built award-winning software amongst many other things. (You can see the details here.)
Pretty successful, yes?
Most people would be happy, right?
Sure, on the outside.
But inside . . . . ?
Check out this list:
- Approval-seeking — I was a relentless pleaser. Couldn't say no to anyone. This one led to some BAD choices.
- Procrastination — I'd be days, weeks, sometimes months before starting a project, while torturing myself mentally and beating myself up for being such a sissy. This one caused PAIN every day, like a chinese water torture. Drip by drip.
- Perfectionism — Obsessed with perfection, never happy with the final result of ANYTHING. Always critical of my own work to the N-th degree. This one kept me STUCK with things and projects for months, even years!
- Workaholism — My mind was on 24/7/365, working away on problems. Never present in the moment for my friends and family. Never giving them the attention they needed from me. This one drained the LIFE out of me.
- Money Issues — I was terrified of spending it or asking for it. Couldn't build any lasting wealth, even if my life depended on it. This one COST me so much of my precious TIME and made me do everything myself.
- Control and Trust Issues — I needed to control EVERYTHING in my life. TERRIFIED of uncertainty. Couldn't trust even close friends or my own family. This one RUINED pretty much every friendship I ever had.
- Imposter Syndrome — I'm a fraud, I'm a fake. People will be onto me in no time. I will be discovered, put to shame and ruined. This one kept me HIDDEN in my office cave.
- Low Self Esteem — Didn't think much of myself, despite all the achievements. Thought of myself as spineless, hated myself for being weak. I was my own worst critic. Couldn't look at myself in a mirror without despising what I saw. This one ROBBED me of all of my confidence.
- Lack of Self-Care — Everybody else's needs and wants got priority over my own. This one made me SICK.
- Lack of Belief in Self and My Future — I felt doomed and broken. Believed I was a complete failure in life. Future was scarry, uncertain and gloomy. This one kept me UP AT NIGHT.
- Fear of Confrontation and Anger — I couldn't speak up, even when I knew the other person was taking advantage of me. No words would come out. This made me feel WEAK and kept me QUIET about injustices.
Do you see yourself anywhere in here?
It felt like I could never keep my shit together, ever.
I lived in Fear, Anger, Guilt. And Shame.
I had frequent breakdowns, burnouts, and severe high-functioning depression.
I didn't enjoy life. Never had fun. Always struggled personally and professionally.
Life was beyond difficult. Most of the time, I was upset, angry, frustrated, and withdrawn.
I felt utterly and totally STUCK . . . .
With no focus, and no plan forward . . . .
15 years into my history of Achievement, Qualifications, Diplomas and Certificates . . . . I was desperately unhappy.
No amount of success was enough. No achievement, no matter how big, made me feel fully confident or accomplished.
On the worst days, when I was depressed, powering up a computer seemed like a big accomplishment. On the best days, I only slightly hated myself.
I drowned myself in work. I desperately tried to impress people. I took on more responsibilities. I pushed through. I carried the World on my shoulders.
But the harder I worked, the worse it got. I was barely there for my family. And when I was, I would often snap at them, for no good reason.
Every little remark seemed like criticism. Like I'm not doing enough.
I neared my breaking point.
Eventually, my wife gave me the Do something or I'm OUT OF HERE ultimatum (good wives do that). She had reached her limit. She just couldn't see me suffering anymore.
I ask you again. . . .
DO YOU SEE YOURSELF ANYWHERE IN HERE?
Well . . . . This inner misery . . . .
Why was my family life falling apart? Why did I feel this horrible? Why nothing was working and only getting worse by the minute? Why couldn't I get my shit together and just fix the DAMN thing!?
My marketing and scientific mind was on fire. I had to understand what was going on inside me. I had to find the answers.
NLP. Psychotherapy. Huna. Sozo. Hypnotherapy. Reiki. Psych-K. MER. RTT. LOA. TRAM. CRT. AE. Somatic Sexology. Parts, focusing and shadow work. The list went on . . .
I even spent countless hours getting certified in a bunch of these methods too . . . .
Couple of years in . . . . things got a bit better while my bank balance got six-figures lighter. But still, no significant change . . . .
Doctors didn't find anything wrong with me either . . . . Apparently workaholism, procrastination, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, people's pleasing, inability to set and maintain boundaries and severe self-doubt are NOT medically-treated conditions.
Meditations, prayer, affirmations, journalling . . . .
Books, workshops, seminars, counselling, coaching sessions . . . .
Each method, each try, each session yielding more clues, but also frustrating me.
I specifically disliked how therapists always seemed to keep their clients on the hook for months, years on end. ‘Managing' the suffering. Generating insights and fascinating conversations. Yet, not able to create any permanent change.
I wanted . . . . I needed a FIX. For myself, and for everyone.
And I GOT there.
And when I got there . . . .
. . . . I was finally FREE.
Check out this NEW list:
- No more depression and bad moods.
- No more emotional suffering.
- I saved my relationship and my family. And became a Present-in-the-Moment father and husband.
- I feel happy, fulfilled and satisfied every morning. Every DAY.
- I love and enjoy my life. I have fun, and no longer take things (or myself) too seriously.
- I have Focus, Clarity, Energy. And DRIVE.
AND . . . .
I have now created a business I wish had existed when I was drowning in anguish.
My work now makes a HUGE difference in my life and in my clients' lives.
I Love Being Me, and Doing What I Do . . . .
And now I want YOU to start loving being YOU . . . . Maybe even for the first time in your life.